Days of Wine and Roses, and Vasectomies

You will hear of my showdown at Georgetown Financial Aid, and I will describe how I once wiped out the math guys in an annual City College contest. Heady those triumphs were, to be sure, but nothing compares to Bible Quizzing.

In those days, quizzing was a rage among certain Nazarene youth. Local churches would field teams, which competed against other locals in a Zone Competition, then in a state-wide District Competition, then in a multi-state Regional Competition, and finally in a World smackdown. A book of the New Testament was selected by the denomination, study guides were produced and sent out, and then the kids got down to it, starting in September and finishing in June — very like the old Odyssey of the Mind setup, but without style points or duct tape.

I had done some quizzing in Rochester, but when we arrived in Baltimore in 1966 we found there was no quizzing tradition at Baltimore First Church. According to the archaeological record (Bin #251 in the attic), we did nothing that year, but for the 1967-1968 season a team of five was assembled and we buckled down to study the Gospel of John, KJV. My mother was the coach, and on the team with me were my brother Steve, Gary Reynolds, Samantha Carroll, and Linda Ward.

A quiz was 20 questions, directed by a Quizmaster to two opposing teams. We sat on folding chairs on a platform in a meeting hall, and leaped up when we thought we could answer. A “jump judge” called out when someone had gotten all the way up, and the Quizmaster instantly stopped talking. The jumper then had to complete the question and provide an answer. We practiced this for many weeks, and finally our competition date arrived.

We went quietly to the Baltimore Zone competition in Bel Air, with 73 curious church members, apparently a record. The Bel Air team, arrogant, entitled, and experienced, had been the power in the Zone for some years, whereas we were nobodies. As it happened, we were up against Bel Air on their home turf for the first quiz of the night, and my team of raw rookies meekly took its place on the platform. Bel Air came in a minute later, trying to psych us out by storming up the three aisles simultaneously. Their captain was Dan, a Goliathesque figure, and they did not acknowledge our presence, other than to contemptuously offer me one finger to shake. I was our team’s captain and was quietly sitting in seat #1 on our side.

The Quizmaster, the youth pastor at Bel Air, greeted us and asked us if we were ready. The Bel Air team replied with hoots and high slapping. The Baltimore First team gulped with fright and nodded.

Now many verses in the chosen Book were flagged to be memorized and repeated verbatim in competition, and I knew them all, backwards and forwards.

The Quizmaster said : “All right! Let’s begin! Question #1. Quote … John 6:6 —”.

I: [JUMP]

Jump Judge: “#1, Baltimore First.”

Quizmaster: “Finish the question, #1, and provide your answer.”

I: “John 6:69: ‘And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the son of the living God.’”

Quizmaster: “That is correct. Twenty points for Baltimore First.”

That produced a sensation in the audience, both for and against us. The Bel Air team was so shocked one of them slipped off his chair and fell with an inglorious BOOM butt-first on the platform. I proceeded to early-jump on the next three questions, answered correctly on all three, and finally on Question #5 Bel Air recovered and Goliath beat me to the jump. But he could not complete the question and thus pushed his team to -10, while his counterpart, me, was given the chance to respond. Soon the score was 90 to -10. I, having answered five, stepped down, and our alternate took my place.

I don’t remember the final score, but Bel Air took a shockingly lopsided first-round loss. We cruised unhindered through the other seven competitors, and the final quiz was Bel Air, with one loss, against Baltimore First, with none. It was a double-elimination format, so Belair had to beat us or go home with nothing.

They did beat us, and the tie-breaker was set. I don’t remember much of the detail of that last quiz. The lead changed hands a few times, but after I had “quizzed out” (answered five), Bel Air squeaked past, winning by 10 points on the last question of the night. I don’t know if they thought of the famous dictum: “Another such victory and we are undone”, but they should have. The record shows that we took them to the cleaners again the following year, 690-280.

But, unlike OM, winning teams did not advance intact. A new Zone team was put together from the evening’s top five scorers, and that team would go on to meet other Zone teams at the Washington District Competition. I thus became the Baltimore Zone captain, and Goliath was #2. He never forgave me.

In those years at the District Competition, the Baltimore Zone usually came to grief against the Washington Zone, captained by one Matthew Roberts, but the Washington District would become a contender at the Regionals. The first time I went to the Regional Competition at ENC, there was a big poster with the competition bracket for the day. Some Philadelphia District kids noticed they were up against us first thing, and a couple of them snickered. Late afternoon, when the final quiz between Washington and Philadelphia was announced, I heard one of those same kids say very quietly, “Uh oh”.

But we did not get past District Competition that first year with the Gospel of John. After that, there were two trips to Regional Competition with the Books of Acts and Corinthians, and all the while other precocious teenagers stole up on me. As I did to Goliath, so was I done to by Gwen Forney, in my last year. More wisdom of the ancients: “Sic transit, Gloria Mundy”, or something like that.